If GTA was taught in schools

It seems Hell has just frozen over as the humble porker has mastered the power of flight. Well, that's what you'd think with the news that Grand Theft Auto IV is now being used to steer school kids away from violence in a study in England. Which got us thinking: how wrong would it be if they taught GTA life lessons in schools? Imagine Niko teaching you how to jack an old woman's car in night class or gym lessons with Bruice at community college. Well, imagine no more, because we've just come up with a set of morally reprehensible classes that would only see the light of day in the most sociopathic schoolteacher’s mind.


Car Jacking 101


Learn the intricacies of stealing other people’s rides, as Mr. Bellic tutors a riveting three week course that’ll turn you into ride-jacking, hotwiring pro.


Above: Who needs algebra and modern studies when Niko’s class
gives you all the practical skills you need to survive?


Planning your first bank robbery


Students will embark on an intensive eight week programme that will school them in the fine art of the bank heist. From weapons training, hostage taking to post caper money laundering; Mr. McReary has you covered. And with over two semi successful heists to his name, your robbery will almost definitely not become horribly botched... probably.


Above: Admittedly, Mr. McReary's bank jobs often involve more throwing up beer in the toilet than they do actual stealing money


Gym class/mastering your roid rage


Tired of always getting picked last for sports? Wish you could bulk up? Don't fret. Liberty City Academy has the perfect class for you. A special gym session with Professor Kibbutz, pupils will learn the art of karate, self-esteem and how to totally pump up thier guns like bouncy castles. Oh, and rumours of enforced bullshark steroid injections are definitely not true. No, definitely no truth there.


Above: You to can soon look like this after Brucie's intensive 'completely natural' workout regime

Mastering Mafioso speak


Are you an inspiring member of a rising Italian American crime organisation? Want to take your seat at the don's table, but find yourself coming up short in the lingo department? Then you should consider Mr. Pegorino's valuable vocabulary class. Once you join you'll soon be cracking wise like the best of goodfellas. Satisfaction guaranteed or 'a mysterious bullet in the head and a pair of cement shoes' back.


Above: Don't fear Mr. Mafia Hood. Never again will you need to fear a situation like this with the Peg's comprehensive class


An introduction to cultural stereotypes


Now you too can be that two dimensional foreigner you’ve always seen in sex comedies, with Bernie Crane’s guide to becoming a massive stereotype. A former grizzled war veteran, Mr. Crane saw the error of his ways and embraced life as a walking cliché. So sign up now and learn how to become as obvious and one note as possible, with this extensive programme.


Above: Mr. Crane's class comes with bonus studies in becoming the best French stereotype you can be


Anatomy Class


Officially the best biology lesson you'll ever have.